All Women Are Crazy

First off this is not a rant on who should get how much in the divorce.  Really it is none of my business and I don’t care enough to pay attention to what is going on.  This is a post about a comment made on a morning show that $750 million was not worth putting up with Tiger’s actions.

First off what world does this person live in?  It was a woman who made the comment.  In my world dead bodies will line the streets for $750 million, people would give up body parts, sell their children and perform more unspeakable acts than can be imagined.

So putting up with any man or woman that didn’t cause permanent physical damage to you is a shoe in for the things that people would do for a fraction of this amount.

If they said we have $750 million and the last one alive gets it, there would probably be a huge number of people who would go for it.

This is why there is such a disconnect in society.  If you were already well off there are a host of things that you would do to get better off.  Money can only buy you so much and if you already have what you want and enough to keep it then there is no desire to have a bunch more.  However if you are struggling for survival with the masses it is totally different.  Giving up a limb to someone who is deep in debt and just trying to keep fed is a much different choice than if you were living in high society and money while nice isn’t going to put you too much higher.  In fact to a lot of people more money of this magnitude can cause more problems than it is worth.

So, Tiger needs to do the right thing and take care of his kids and other than that it’s up to the lawyers and personally I really don’t care how it goes.

Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.

Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.

Question: What food reduces a woman’s sex drive by at least 90 percent?
Answer: Wedding cake.

Why can’t women drive?

Because there’s no road between the kitchen and the bedroom

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: trick question, feminists can’t change anything!

What does your wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend 99% of their time in your wallet

Needs

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

But then the wife stops and says, "I don’t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We’ll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings.

The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.’

The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

The husband says, " no no no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

" No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

A man who came into some money

Decided to marry a Bunny,

    But the thought of the ears

    And the tails of the dears

Made him skip it as being too funny.