Question: How is a woman like a laxative?
Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
Question: What food reduces a woman’s sex drive by at least 90 percent?
Answer: Wedding cake.
Why can’t women drive?
Because there’s no road between the kitchen and the bedroom
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: trick question, feminists can’t change anything!
What does your wife and a condom have in common?
They both spend 99% of their time in your wallet
Needs
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
But then the wife stops and says, "I don’t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We’ll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.
And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings.
The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says "but you don’t even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.’
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "
The husband says, " no no no, honey we’re not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.
" No honey – I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"
A man who came into some money
Decided to marry a Bunny,
But the thought of the ears
And the tails of the dears
Made him skip it as being too funny.
