A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

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A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!"

Blonde Jokes #1

How did the blonde die raking leaves? She fell out of the tree!

Why do blondes smile during lightning storms? They think someone is taking their picture.

How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.

How can you know a blonde’s used the computer? There’s white-out on the screen.

What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? “It’s OK Daddy, I’m not hurt.

Why don’t blondes double recipes? The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.

What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW? Divorcee

What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

Why do men like blonde jokes? Because they can understand them.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them

How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? Shine a torch in her ears.

What does a blonde owl say? What, what?

What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What is every blonde’s ambition? To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? An interpreter.

Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs? They don’t know the route.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? From eating with forks.

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air bubbles.

Why don’t blondes make good pharmacists? They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.

How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? There is a stamp on it.

Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency? She can’t find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

What would a blonde do with a brain if she had one? Save it for later

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Seven… One to make the dough and six to peel the M&M’s.

What do you call three blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes

What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men? Their heels.

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.